June 16-19, 2016:
Graduation Show of the Sandberg Institute, Amsterdam
-documentation coming soon–
come by if you can!
Hello. How are you? Hello from the other side. At least I can say that I’ve tried. A million miles.
I am an event, so are you.
Gestures in the endless ocean of historical insignificance. But here we are, you and me.
Are you seeking something ‚timely’ here to be able to grasp the oceanic within you?
Is this your life or does this distract you from your life? Are you also part of this circus? Seeking inspiration, for your next creative event?
Consuming attractions, filling up expectations, glasses of wine, chat.
How important is the kick for you? Am I a point of reference? Of departure? Or simply for passing by?
It’s so typical to talk about myself, I’m sorry. It’s no secret that the both of us are running out of time. I’m sorry for my broken heart.
But I can tell you something.
I am tired.
Tired of art schooling, Bolognaing, Mastering, eventing, presenting, functioning, deadlining, showing off. I am tired of being part of a market, even of an off-market, of meat, of art, of business, of extrovertism, smartassism, layerism, concernedism, sexism, happyism, experienceprovidism. Standing by, constantly at your service, even if the service should be serving me. This time.
I am moving, I am slightly moving.
If we should die tonight, we should all die together, raise a glass of wine for the last time. I see fire. Inside the mountain, burning the trees. I hope that you remember me. Did we get too close to the flame?
I am done.
All I wanna do is sit in the sun for a while.
‘It is whatever gets you through the night’, the artist replied in a panel discussing the notion of colonialism of the contemporary use of Ayahuasca.
In times of, in a world…
Critique is as violent as it is urgent as I will never stop.
I negate therefore I am – I self-optimize therefore I fail.
My body, my work is a gesture. Maybe forever. I can embrace it now.
It’s alive. Maybe you find it dead when you find it. It will never be avant-garde, painfully not. I will never be an artist, therefore I will forever be one. We have to get stronger, work more, use less, be soft. Be water.
The impossibility of sharing and connecting is the deepest learning and also the deepest sadness in these last two years.
Is it the time, is it a generation, is it that particular school or class, is it this country or is it me? This happened or didn’t happen. Privately the fog cleared. I couldn’t hold the intensity of the one connection but it split up in a multitude manifesting itself in floating time spans and bodies.
The shadow principle. Are the stars aligned?
I am afraid you might expect something more ‘exciting’ here.
But I am not here to excite you. I am here to become autonomous. I don’t get money for this, I put my head out, ready to be cut off, bearing the storm of my voice, or even worse, the carelessness of ignorance and overarching busyness of them all. All I have is my freedom of choice. This time. And that is my cure.
From that base I do care. And am able to share.
We touched upon a lot of sensible issues. But we never talked about sex.
This is not a show for me. This is the end of a journey. And I need to do what I need to do. Compassion only arises from deep within. The two years were a travel into deeper layers.
I worked hard. Invisibly in the background, against the annihilation. And now there is a need for silence. For a still point. To digest, to detox, to defragment, to let the sediments slowly sink down. And it has begun now and not after the show.
This installation is a representation of one of a very few visions that I received during deeply connecting to another human being in intimacy. It is one of the most precious moments that I have and that carry
me through the night and remind me of my capacities to connect and to transcend. And yes, it was a woman.
By sharing this with you, by giving it form, I am aware that I will lose that vision in my mind’s eye forever and this representation will overwrite the actual memory of that moment.
‘When I give, I give myself.’
How can I touch you?
Death is the end of the performance.
Empty cup. New tea.
(paragraphs in italics borrowed from the songs ‘Hello’, Adele and ‘I see fire’, Ed Sheeran (slightly altered))
made with Lay Theme